Monday, April 19, 2010

He Who Facebooks

He opens Google Chrome.
He goes to the Facebook login page.
He enters his username and password.
He logs in.
All that it takes for this average teenager named He to enter a world where people do things they never normally do in real life is simply to follow these 4 steps, strictly in sequence.
Mr. Who, He's concerned father,
"I hear from his friends that He spends almost 4 hours a day on Facebook. I don't know what he does so long. He is supposed to be studyi-"
thats when Who's FB chat starts blinking feverishly, like the Eject button in a crashing plane.
"-ing his ass off! Now if you don't mind, I have some urgent business to do."
he finishes, shooing me off.
"Its a world where Don Sharma goes to war with Don Mehta and loses since he doesn't have a Pair of Dillinger's Sunglasses!
Its a world where a Penguin would walk all the way from the Antarctica to your paddy farm and forces you raise it!
Its a world where you have hundreds of friends but you haven't met a good 80% of them EVER in your life!
Its awesome. Its addictive."
says Mrs Whoever, panting heavily for breath, while He gets his mom a glass of water.

Whoever He or Who is, its a fact that everyone Facebooks! (v. to Facebook)
"Yeah I do." moans Everyone.

Friday, April 9, 2010

The First Night

My watch claimed it was 1:30 am. I had to believe it, since my eye lids felt heavy. REALLY heavy. I opened the door to find Vasant in his white bulging vest.
"Hey I skipped dinner and I'm damn hungry."
"Sexy. Lets hit Basera!"
It was way before my vocabulary had "put" replacing all the verbs known to mankind!

Well, let me explain the situation here. Remember the scene where Andy Dufresne enters the Shawshank Prison for his first time and the prison in-mates shouting from their cells? Fresh meat! Fresh meat! Fresh meat! That night, I was totally able to relate to it.

We gave our orders and waited at a table somewhere in the back of Basera. However hard I tried controlling my hunger, that computerised female voice announcing the bill numbers got on my nerves.
"Token number one zero eight","Token number one zero eight","Token number one zero eight".
Dear Computer female, now just SHUT UP! You've established what you wished to say. Thrice.
Urgh.. It didn't listen to me as it went on screaming more bill numbers..

I looked around and there were about 8 people sitting in the next table. I couldn't care less. Thats when one of them started eyeing on me. Had it been a girl, that would've made me feel good. Had it been some random guy, that would've made me uncomfortable. But the problem here, ladies and gentlemen, is that it was a guy and he looked like a senior. Fresh meat! That made me feel like one!

The number of people eying us began to increase exponentially as we finished eating and went back to the hostel. It was 2:30 am. The security guard, sound asleep with some really shitty song playing on his transistor. I reached for a glass of water at the dispenser when around 7 familiar faces walked down the entrance. "Follow me", was all that I heard. Vasant and I exchanged stares. We did as told, crossed the quadrangle and got shut into a room 10 by 7.

All 7 of them, as a display of superiority, sat on the bed cramped against each other. While we sat in 2 chairs. I couldn't control smirking. :P

Now, let me tell you this also. If two people meet for their first time they could say a lot of things. "Hi", "Hey !", or even the outdated "Hello". But in this place, things work a bit differently. There are 2 holy words. PUT INTRO. And you have to, with the right format and facial expression and hand gesture and eye ball movement and visible toe-nail length and million other things.

"Put intro". And so I began putting. Half way through and already exhausted, "Stop smiling! Start from first!". Whew! And I did, for a double digit number of times. Then I slumped. It was Vasant's turn to chant the mantras and my turn to mock at him!

Once got over with these formalities, they were very friendly. No more STAND AT EASE! ATTENTION! PUT INTRO! kinda handling. I started liking it. It became more fun as the discussions grew to involve more interesting and shady stuff. I totally loved it!

It was 3:45 and he opened the door ,"What happened now is called Personality Development Program, in short, POP. Hope you enjoyed it." in the same tone of an air hostess at the end of a flight.

And thats how it all began, my first night in a hostel!

Soon, I got addicted to getting ragged. I went from hostel to hostel, room to room for more POPs and putting the putted intros! Its a very simple process. Just walk up to a senior and ask him if he's a freshie. You're sure to be booked for that night! Fresh meat. ;)

P.S. If you were looking for something else as suggested by the title (or in short, if you're a desparate male IITian) , Well umm.. Get a life! :D